2020-11-20

5000 words into the naturally sensitive:sometimes emotionally high, sometimes depressed

By yqqlm yqqlm

In the deep heart of every person with strong emotions, there lives a person who is extremely rich, has great enthusiasm, and has a lot to give…..

< p>Are you such a person?

  • Deep, strong and complex emotions
  • Deep empathy and high sensitivity
  • Highly sensitive perception
  • The rich inner world is full of feelings, fantasy and intellectual excitability

  • Creative potential and existential anxiety

If you don’t feel enough about the above 5 points Clear, you can describe it in detail:

  • Emotions are easy to swing at the poles, and the depth and intensity of emotions experienced will be deeper and higher than those of ordinary people.
  • Sometimes the emotions are high and ecstatic, and sometimes they fall into the trough, depression, and rapid conversion.
  • Taste the taste of despair, and also taste the extreme joy.
  • Is an observer with extraordinary perception, who can perceive subtleties, can see, feel, notice and remember more things.
  • The brain processes and responds to a piece of information. Its speed is so fast and the process is so complicated that sometimes the mouth cannot keep up with the head.
  • There is a natural ability to feel the spirit of others.
  • When interacting with people, you are born to follow intuition, full of love, idealism, and romance.
  • Some people always say that you are too much, too intense, too sensitive, too emotional, too dramatic, and too shy…

After finishing this, I There is a feeling of semi-expansion. Because I am such a”naturally sensitive physique” person. Although I have not reached the extreme, I am sure that I am the person in this part. So, when I was reading the book”Embracing Your Sensitive Emotions:Healing Emotions and Accepting Yourself”, I often stopped for a while, and then picked it up again-because there is a kind of seeing myself”Past and present” trance. Therefore, this article, I give it to people who have sensitive physiques like me, my”kind”.

This was supposed to be a good book review, but I don’t want to stay out of it because I’m in it. I want to talk about something else.

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01 Pain and ecstasy:always inseparable

The saddest thing in life, for fear of being a”sensitive body”Fall in love with a”numb body”. I am.

When we were together, he often discussed this topic. He said in an admiring and pampering tone:”You are covered with tentacles”, but sometimes he is distressed:”Why are your emotions like a roller coaster? , I am always overjoyed and hurt by love. Isn’t it good to have a calm and stable lifeline with slight ups and downs?”

People who have loved me can hardly forget me. I have no doubt. Even if they are separated, I will be the cinnabar mole or white lotus in their minds-this is not because of pure narcissism, but based on a certain rational analysis:

  • In life, it is quite normal There are too many people, so people who are more sincere, pure, and brave will be remembered very much.
  • The whole body is full of tentacles-people who have no feelings for sensitive physiques may only find it annoying , But for people who have loved this type of person, this must be a”point” that attracts him-people will always envy what they lack, so this trait will be especially remembered
  • sensitive physique People who have more emotional experience are richer and more profound. In the emotional world, not only will they have the ultimate experience, they will also lead others to this ultimate experience in life. For those who have never experienced it before For people of this kind of life ecstasy, this will be their shining”color photo” in their black and white world
  • After breaking up, the injury will slowly heal, but the other person’s”goodness” will slow down Emerging slowly, returning to the side of your own regular life, you will feel familiar and stable, and at the same time awaken your desire and nostalgia for passion-people are contradictory

maybe When someone sees the above passage, they will have a psychological discomfort:this person is too narcissistic.

Yes, this is the painful place of”sensitive physique”——On the one hand, people with sensitive physique will perceive their own”different”, but on the other hand, they are also There is never a shortage of suppressors. There are always people who say”you are too much”,”too emotional”,”too narcissistic”,”you are nothing great”……..

As a result, people with sensitive constitutions often fall into the self-doubt of”self-feeling narcissism” and”does my characteristics affect others? Should I keep a lower profile?” in.

This part, in the second part of”Embracing Sensitive Emotions”,”The complexity of strong emotions“, there is a detailed explanation-From serving as a family environment”Scapegoat”, to the”wood show in the external environment”, and then to the”self-doubt” of the inner world, in a sense, people with sensitive constitutions may need to face The problem lies in the”identity of the self“-how to integrate the unity of the self and the external world?

Of course, this is actually not a unique subject of sensitive physique, but a life-long subject for everyone, but I believe that for people with sensitive physique, this subject is more difficult and longer.

getInterUrl?uicrIvZQ=04a994d9a397fa2f5bb019824d577388 - 5000 words into the naturally sensitive:sometimes emotionally high, sometimes depressed

Two days ago, I posted a micro”tou article”, which mentioned an old person who had not seen me for three years, saying that I am better than before Beautiful, there is a kind of”beauty of internal and external integration”. This evaluation comforts me. In the process of reading this book, I seem to have seen my past and present-the structure of this book is the same:from the introduction and To describe the portrait of such people, to enumerate the plight of such people in life (especially in early life), to the method of self-liberation (growth). I dare not say that my current self has been integrated, but at least I have gone a long way along this road, and some visible changes have taken place.

Yes, this is the case for emotionally sensitive people. Emotions can easily swing at the poles, and the depth and intensity of emotions experienced will be deeper and higher than those of ordinary people. Therefore, he has experienced emotional high and ecstatic, and it is easy to fall into the bottom, depression; he can perceive the subtleties , Pay attention to and feel more things; the brain processes information very fast, often the mouth can’t keep up with the brain; at the same time, in interacting with people, they follow intuition (Rather than rational analysis), idealistic and romantic. But at the same time, emotionally sensitive people are also suffering from this trait, being isolated, excluded, incomprehensible, viewed as apostasy, and required to live according to the public’s perspective. At the same time, Self-doubt, self-criticism, self-suppression.

In my 12-year-old diary, I wrote:”If I had to use one word to describe myself, I would choose contradiction. Yes, I am a contradiction. Complex”.

In a word, at the age of 12, I had a complete insight into my soul. At the same time, I continued to realize this”self-prophecy” and walked a rugged and muddy road. Only in recent years did I find The end of life.

I remember when the first lesson of the psychology course”emotion management class”, the professor said on the podium:”The best state of life is peace, with a little joy at the same time

strong>”, sitting in the audience, I shed tears. For people like us, this is too difficult…

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02 The troubles of sensitive people

15%-20%of the population can be classified as Highly Sensitive People (HSP), but at the same time such people are also easily labeled as mentally ill, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) , Bipolar disorder, ADHD, or depression.

“Emotional sensitivity (strong)” is often misunderstood in culture, but it is actually a kind of power (this point has been elaborated in the previous article), but at the same time, people with strong emotions also face some Because of the unique interpersonal challenges, this deep and strong sensibility usually originates from early years. At that time, I was a child and lacked the ability to adjust emotions. Therefore, I may suffer psychological damage. These injuries usually Related to rejection, shame and loneliness.

As a gifted child, you are either over-stimulated, or not enough stimulation, or suppressed by the”appropriateness” in social culture. As an adult, you may often be troubled by self-doubt, and the loneliness of survival is always lingering.

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Last week I went to psychology class again. In the past few years, I spent almost every weekend in class. And my performance in this group is becoming more and more subtle.

In the beginning, I was in isolation. According to other people’s descriptions:“I don’t talk to others when class is over, I don’t speak English with my own earphones” and “proud”. Later, after getting familiar with it, I was described by others as I used to be down-to-earth”, and later, some people clearly expressed their preference:I was misunderstood for a long time after I learned psychology for a long time. I was praised (envious) for being savvy, expressive, smart, etc. At the same time, I was also Others are disgusted (jealous), and the most common feedback is:Why are you so proud? Why is your sense of worth so high? You say that, does it mean you are narcissistic? (People who study psychology, everyone knows, always use psychology vocabulary to communicate) etc. Now, I find that I have become a stranger. The most obvious manifestation is that I was basically alone in group discussions.

To be honest, I cannot simply blame my”exclusion”—this is a way of expressing”victimization”. It should be said that it was my”conspiracy” with everyone. On the one hand, I lost the desire to discuss (from the bottom of my heart, I think the discussion was too shallow), and on the other hand, others also kept me a little bit far away. Just like a classmate said:I like you in the circle of friends, you never reply…

Maybe at first I will really like you, but if you delay in responding, Then I don’t like you anymore—everyone is almost like that, I like you, often because you like me too. If you don’t like me, I will also lose interest in you.

Picture:My discussion with my teacher (Sense of value and distinction)

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For sensitive people, loneliness It seems to always follow. For loneliness and sensitive people, there is an ambivalence-on the one hand, they enjoy loneliness, feel comfortable and creative in loneliness, and on the other hand, because of loneliness, they occasionally feel that they are an alien. As the author of this book said:Between”being true to yourself” and”innate sense of belonging”, there is always a twisting back and forth.

The younger you are, the lower your cognition level will be, and the more twisted you are. This kind of twisting is a huge consumption of mental energy. It may exhaust the talents of highly sensitive people, so that they may grow into a rebellious and alternative hedgehog. Of course, most people will take it with them. The mask of personality, experiencing a divided life.

To make a digression, adolescent children are the most sensitive, so they are also the loneliest.

getInterUrl?uicrIvZQ=28ce6f3323e56fd51863f0076572b749 - 5000 words into the naturally sensitive:sometimes emotionally high, sometimes depressed

03 Emotional sensitivity is not a disease, but a”challenge”

Said so much””Nonsense”, perhaps the most concerned issue for emotionally sensitive people is how to change themselves? In the third part of this book, the author made a detailed explanation. It mainly includes the following aspects

  • Healing old wounds
  • Building emotional resilience
  • Understanding the true self
  • Lishi
  • Looking for true intimacy (relationship)
  • Realizing creative potential

Basically what the author said, it also covers my personal path course. For highly sensitive people, self-exploration is a necessary process, which includes knowing yourself accurately and objectively. As the saying goes,”knowing others is wise, knowing is clear”, a person can have a clear world only by knowing himself deeply. In the process of self-recognition, we need to heal old wounds, and the most important thing is to”link with the truth“.

From my personal experience, the truth is that I have always insisted on making mistakes, and this is like a compound interest curve, which has brought me more and more”benefits”. It should be Beyond the critical point, it reached the stage of”Lying Earn“.

getInterUrl?uicrIvZQ=fed56afc79170d401b3e8e98280b904f - 5000 words into the naturally sensitive:sometimes emotionally high, sometimes depressed

For example, true expression. For example, if you are embarrassed to reject others, you will find an excuse. But doing this invisibly consumes one’s own energy, because a lie always requires more lies to round out, and true expression saves both the time cost and internal consumption of both sides. People who practice true expression often will be obvious. Feel the increase in your inner strength.

Another example, Real Know Yourself. Each of us is using the mechanism of Psychological Defense all the time. The role of psychological defense is to help us stay away from painful feelings, but at the same time, stay away from the truth. Since I was young, I have always been very interested in knowing the true self. After studying psychology, I have become more interested in defense. I like the process of constantly”peeling” myself, seeing my own ugliness, smallness, and embarrassment, and then picking out the abscesses before I can grow.

Another example, Be honest with others. This includes not only true self-exposure, but also the elimination of defenses against the parts of others different from yourself. For example, when you hear others deny yourself, try to keep an open attitude instead of anxious self-justification-this is very difficult for me, because I can easily fall into the mode of self-evidence immediately, but after a long period of deliberate Training has made considerable progress than before.

In the part of”Being in the World”, the author mentioned passive attack, seeing one’s shadow side and embracing one’s bright side. In fact, these are closely related to”reality” .

Healing oneself in true intimacy is actually necessary. Because highly sensitive people are accustomed to avoidance and self-protection, just like I saw a reader saying,”I feel that highly sensitive people and only children are like autism.” Although this sentence is a judgment, it does reflect it. The image of a highly sensitive person in the eyes of others.

All true beauty is produced in deep”relationships”—intimacy is undoubtedly the most special kind of relationship, in which the self is more It is easier to be exposed to the truth, and we are more likely to feel hurt. But we need to face the relationship bravely and truthfully, not to be consumed by the”bad” relationship, but also to temper life’s resilience in the”relationship”-Differences and deviations never create real differences, only no Only an open and closed heart.

Finally is to realize one’s creative potential-in fact, the reason why high sensitivity can be called a talent is that these people tend to be more creative. Because they are sharp and detailed enough, and at the same time very good at deep linking with the inner world, and these are beyond the reach of people with extraverted and stable personality.

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I still take myself as an example. Before that, my job was a researcher in the drug R&D department of a large state-owned enterprise. That job also required a certain degree of creativity, but more of it needed a well-regulated and rigorous scientific attitude. After I quit my job to study psychology and engage in psychology-related work, I have a feeling of relive in life.

This work of exploring the inner world has greatly exerted my creativity, including writing now-whether it can bring me money or not, it is what I really love. Writing is also a work that requires creativity, and I have created more than 2 million characters. On the one hand I was hollowed out, on the other hand I continued to create.

It is also in this kind of study and work that really stimulates creativity, that I really find self and drive.

As the author of this book said:”For people with unusual emotional talents, inner conflicts are not so harmful as harmful as they are developmental. They are a kind of growth pain.”——This sentence is wonderful, it fits my personal growth experience completely. After we experience a period of”positive imbalance”, life will conform to our higher values, such as forgiveness, sincerity, and creativity. In other words Strong emotions are no longer a side effect of growth, but a necessary part of growth.

And this is exactly the growth direction of every emotionally sensitive person.

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[Write at the end]

Everyone with strong emotions In the depths of his heart, there lives a person who is extremely rich and passionate, and has a lot to give. In fact, emotions are sensitive, strong, and talented. None of them is special—not particularly good or bad, but just a trait we are born with.

What we have to do is to embrace it and realize its potential. Just as an emotionally sensitive person may be born with a high-powered sports car, this car has an exceptionally powerful engine, but it also requires special fuel and special maintenance.

The problem is that many car owners have not learned how to control it. And what we need is precisely this driving skill. As long as it is properly controlled, it may become the best sports car.

So, high sensitivity is a kind of destiny, but also a kind of talent.

Finally, Break the Wall recommends that all people with high sensitivity characteristics come and read this book”Embracing Sensitive Emotions:Healing Emotions, Accepting Oneself”, maybe it is the key to unlocking oneself, which can truly Help yourself to heal and grow.

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